T minus 14 hours…

About 14 hours from now I will be on a plane headed to Las Vegas.

The last two weeks have been pretty hectic, but in a good way. On the 25th, my nephew was born! He’s adorable, healthy, and completely warms my heart.

Work has been…work.

Last week I didn’t make it to the gym more than 3 times I think, but it’s because I was snuggling and spending time with my nephew, so the gym didn’t matter.

Saturday I did the group run with my friend, we did just shy of 7 miles. I’m still walking most of it, and jogging tiny parts but it’s fun and I enjoy it.

Monday and Tuesday I did Nike + and shockingly enough, they seemed easier.

And that’s it. That’s my “get fit by Vegas” streak. And its all done!

I am happy that I (mostly) stuck to everything I said I’d do. The scale may not have moved. But I feel pretty good, and after dealing with this injury for so long – I haven’t felt good in a long time.

So I’m happily looking forward to Vegas and also planning out my gym week once I return.

Until then…

Cheers 🍹🍻🍷🍸

Why Being Over 30 Sucks.

Happy Monday.

Hopefully you had a good weekend and your week started off well.

I’ve been pretty busy the last week and a half. I now have just two weeks left before Vegas. I must admit, I’m feeling slightly discouraged – but keep focusing on the trip that’s coming up and the goal I made for myself.

After my last blog post, I decided that meal prep might be a good option for my daily meals. I thought it would just help take some of the stress away when it comes to thinking about food. The “grab-and-go” aspect seemed easy.
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On that Sunday, I prepped my meals and the week went pretty well. There were a few times that I ended up going to lunch, but even then I ordered a salad so I was feeling confident.
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I even passed on the chips. That’s serious.

Ultimately, I t did make it things easier and food didn’t consume my mind, which was a nice break from the norm. By the end of the week I was bored of the food, but surprisingly – it didn’t effect my choices, I stuck to my plan because I didn’t want to waste the food I made.

What sucks though, is when I was 25, even 29 – I could work out all week, and eat right and the lbs would drop.

Now, at 35 – that doesn’t happen and boy is it frustrating!

Not even one pound dropped!!

Ugh.

I’m pretty sure things are changing due to how my clothes are fitting, but it would be nice to see it on the scale too. I know the scale isn’t the tell all when it comes to weight loss, but who doesn’t love to see the # go down?!?!

Anyways.

I didn’t have meals prepped for today and my parents came out for lunch. It pretty much threw a wrench in my entire day and I’ve had anxiety about food all day long. Which lead to stress. Which is never a good thing.

After a few poor decisions…

😒

I prepped my meals for the rest of the week. Already I feel less anxious, which is a plus.
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I’m still doing well with my exercise plan. This last week got a little tiring, and by Friday I just didn’t want to do anything, but I kept thinking about Vegas and made it through the week. I ended it by going to the spa with a girl friend, and it was pretty much the best idea ever.

I think spa days should be a mandatory life thing at my age…

I also had a fun Sunday, my boyfriend and I went to an asparagus festival, a train museum, and had a fun dinner together.
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And then Monday showed up. 😛

Well here’s to another week!

April Showers 💦☔🌂 Bring May Flowers 💐🌹🌷

Good Morning and Happy Sunday blog world.

In my haste to get ready for Vegas (I have 23 days remaining, BTW.) I kind of forgot that we seamlessly rolled into April.

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Can you believe that we are already 4 months into 2016… that’s a little bananas. Or in this case…a little raspberries.

This week in California, we started off with a heat wave bringing 90+ degree temperatures, and it ended with (much needed) rain. So, among it being Sunday, it’s a drizzly one at that! It feels similar to my week, starting off hot and now it’s cooling off – at the gym! Haha.

But, my hard work continues, so here’s a quick recap of this last weeks efforts.

On Monday I made it to the gym and used the blasted rowing machine. I’m just not a fan of it right now, but I know that it’s a good all over workout, with no weight bearing – so I continue to make myself do it.

On Tuesday I had a training session with my run coach. I was a bit short on time, but still managed to get 15 minutes on the stairs of death as a warm up, along with my training session. We are ramping it up slightly and focusing on more strength training. As runners we often neglect our hips. Mine are both incredibly weak, and tight. So, we are working on that as well.

On Wednesday I did a 45 minute Nike+ workout at home. I really didn’t want to do it, so I pushed the workout till the very end of the day. I was tired and slightly stressed because I waited so long. But I got it done.
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Boy oh boy, was it intense! Nike+ never let’s me down when it comes to levels of sweat and random obscenities. I chose a workout that would help build strength, but by the 5th set of push ups, I wasn’t feeling so much strong, as I was nauseous and like I had noodles for muscles. 🍝

The next morning I had another training session with the run coach…my muscles were still pretty sore from the night before so it made the training session more interesting, that’s for sure. I started with 30 minutes on the stairs of death, so I was pretty sweaty/dead by the time it started. I ended my gym sesh with a 1 mile walk on the treadmill as a cool down. Little did I know, it was actually my Nike+ runniversary!
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It’s funny because my real running Anniversary was actually on Monday April 5th. 6 years ago Monday, I had a life changing moment on a treadmill of my old gym. 6 years (and counting) of truly being a runner. Quite honestly, I have never stuck with any “hobby” for that long! Even though the last two years have been a real struggle, I keep trying and keep going.

Friday was my rest day.

Yesterday, I missed the group run, so it was up to me to make something happen. I didn’t really feel up to it, but I made it to the gym 1 hour before it closed and got in a slow 3.39 miles.
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While there, there was a guy on the treadmill next to me who was just killing it. He was running at a speed of 9 or 10 and never once broke pace. He was there before me, and ran for at least 30 minutes while I was there. I was amazed and inspired by his speed, effortless form, and how easy he made it look. I was also very intimidated trying to hobble along on my treadmill next to this powerhouse. But, I realized I can’t compare myself to other runners. I consider myself special now. Not everyone can run with flat feet, and a torn tendon. Bottom line is, I was there just like he was, doing what I needed to do to reach my goals, probably just like him. And that makes my slow jog just as awesome as his effortlessly, speedy one.

Which brings me to another highlight of my week. On Thursday I went to see my podiatrist for a follow up. I confessed…I mean told him about absolutely everything I have been up too. Everything (most of which he already knew about) from my run coach to the 10k I attempted a few weeks back.

He did the usual strength and mobility tests, poking, stretching, and more. He said that I still have a little bit of swelling, but my tendon strength, mobility, and functionality has improved since the last time I saw him. He approves of everything I have been doing, and even said that I may someday be able to run a half marathon again.

That’s a long ways away, and it literally can change at anytime…but I don’t care! Just to have the seed of hope, with doctor support, that it could happen just made my whole day.

My workouts are literally determined each day. It all depends on how my foot is doing. If there’s any signs of swelling or pain I go to the gym and do non weight bearing activities. If it’s feeling up to it, I do more. And that is just how it has to be. I’d rather it be that, than nothing at all though!

With that, I wish you a very good day and a wonderful week.

29 Days until Vegas.

I have 29 days left until Vegas. That’s less than a month!
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Here’s a recap of my last week, and efforts made to get healthy before Sin City. On Easter Sunday, I actually made it to the gym before they closed. Then I had a nice, albeit short, Easter Sunday celebration with my family. I felt less guilty about my 2nd helping of home made mac and cheese due to my gym efforts that day, so I felt pretty good all in all.

On Monday I needed to do a workout during my lunch hour, so I chose a 30  Nike+ sweat sesh.

Nike+ and I have a love/hate relationship, but it’s filled with good intentions. I’m actually really thankful that this app exists. First of all, it’s free, which is ah-maze-ing. Second it’s something you can have with you and pretty much do anywhere that allows enough space to bounce around a little. Home, hotels, gyms, your neighbors lawn.

Anywhere!

Lastly, it kicks my ass. I mean it really does. The Nike+ app makes me yell out obscenities, without even realizing it till its too late. I sweat. I sweat a lot. And each workout pretty much guarantees a complimentary gift of DOMS.
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Tuesday was another home workout, but I got brave and attempted a 45 minute Nike+ session.

And I mean, brave. Because that was work!

On Wednesday, I decided to try KT tape, with my orthopedic inserts as well as my Richie brace. This was thought out, because I really wanted/needed to go for a run on the treadmill. I’m happy to report that it worked out, and I was able to go slightly over 3.5 miles without pain.
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Thursday I met with my run coach, and did a lot of runner specific mobility and strengthening exercises. I topped that off with 31 minutes on the stairs of death. I was so sweaty at the end! It was pretty gross.  

On Friday I finally took a rest day to give my foot a much needed break.

Saturday I met up with my friend to do the group run. We did about 4.5 miles, with the same 1 min/3 min jog/walk interval plan we’ve been doing for a few weeks now.

Yesterday was another rest day, which worked out because I took my mom to see the Broadway Production of Beauty and the Beast. It was a great show, and my mom enjoyed it very much.
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Even after such a great week, today was a real struggle in getting the gym. I really didn’t want to go. But I made myself suck it up, and got it done. I used the row machine. Normally I like the row machine, but the last few times I’ve done it, I’ve just hated it. It’s not fun, and I get annoyed. It’s so awkward being annoyed at a piece of gym equipment.

Anyway… I’m looking forward to another week, and what the next 29 days may bring.

Bunny Rabbits and Finish Lines.

Good Morning and Happy Sunday. For those that celebrate Easter, I hope your Easter Sunday is full of fun, faith, family and of course…yummy food. 🐇

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Happy Easter Race Bunnies.

My posts have been pretty intermittent lately. It’s mostly because I kind of felt like the struggles I have been dealing with put a somewhat negative vibe on my blog, and that’s not really my goal. So I’ve been working to just feel better about a lot of things, and to really just try to get a better handle on my life.

In doing that, I still have had a lot of ups and downs. I’ve have a few things pop up that I really wasn’t expecting, and it was a little more than I wanted to deal with, but I’ve done my best to process it all and just stay on a “healthy road.”

Enough of that…my Vegas count down is still on with 38 days remaining.

The days are quickly flying by.

On Friday I met a couple that is coming with us, they are the ones that picked the hotel due to it having “the best pool.”

Both are extremely nice people, and Vegas will be fun with them.

Both are also extremely fit…
If you’ve followed my blog for a while you know that I have some insecurities, especially when it comes to showing my legs in public. (My goal is still to be able to wear shorts outside of my house.)

Seeing this couple kind of put those insecurities to the forefront pretty quickly. So now, I’m not only working on getting to the gym and eating better to help me feel healthier and happier by the time vacation comes, but I’m also working on confidence, which I know is also good for me.

So, on to how my efforts in getting healthy have gone:

I usually start my weeks on Sunday’s. Last Sunday, literally on a whim – I was standing at the start line of Brazen’s Hellyer race.

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I registered the night before the race, with my friend. Why? Because there was a sneak peak of the medal, and both of us swooned over it.

Totally legit.

Of course I knew I wouldn’t be running it, but I was happy to be able to once again just be out among my fellow runners…even if that meant watching them all zoom past me as I held up the back of the pack.

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My friend and I did do a few one minute jogs along the course, but we mostly just took our time and enjoyed the scenery and had fun doing it!

I came in pretty much last. But it made me realize, that I’d rather be dead last – then not there at all. So my practically last place finish made me happy. 

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This medal also makes me happy.

After doing a 10k on Sunday, my foot was sore. On Monday I had to take my cat in for surgery. Between those two things, I never made it to the gym on Monday.

Tuesday rolled around, and I ended up doing overtime, and I missed the gym again.

Wednesday came…quickly. I really have no legit reason for missing Wednesday. I let some mental struggles get to me, and I just went to bed instead of the gym…does it count that I fell asleep in my gym clothes?

Thankfully on Thursday I had a session scheduled with my trainer/run coach. Our sessions are beneficial, methodical and slow. Slow is good though, especially for what we are trying to achieve. I’m basically learning to walk again, which can be an awkward feeling sometimes. It’s also humbling and reminds me that even though I’m dealing with this life changing injury – I am lucky to be able to work to recover from it. 

On Friday, I literally did a 30 Nike+ workout during a Webex meeting I had at work… it was the only time I could fit something in and I felt determined that day.

Yesterday, I headed out with my friend for the group run. We did the shorter route of 3.6 miles and did 1 min jogs to 3 minute walks, we missed a lot of the jog intervals, but it was okay. The weather was perfect and it felt so great to be outside. Afterwards we found a new coffee shop, which I’m pretty excited about.

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Today is Easter Sunday, and the gym closes early so I’m working myself up to get there.

I hope you all have a great day.

47 Day Challenge.

Happy (post) St. Patrick’s Day!
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I hope your day was filled with luck, rainbows and possibly ginormous pots of gold!

Speaking of luck, I’m going to need lots of it.

On Wednesday, my boyfriend let me know that we are going on a semi-spontaneous trip to Vegas in early May. We are going with 2 other couples, and staying at a hotel with, and I quote, “one of the best pools.”

Crap.

It’s March, I know – and Spring is literally on Sunday…and yet I’m over here rocking my winter body and sweat pants like its the thing to do!

Let’s face it, I’ve had a winter body for a few years now. 😒

Anywho…I have a sudden feeling of urgency to be able to look semi-sexy in a bathing suit. I wanna hang out poolside and not let my self-consciousness ruin the fun. I mean, it’s Vegas, so after a certain hour, I will look better anyways because everyone will be intoxicated.

Haha!!! Just kidding.

Anyway, on a more serious note – I do plan to do my best to eat well, meaning no binges…and to get to the gym over the next 46 days.

I also plan to increase my water intake, because that’s essential.

The real benefit to this is that I have something to look forward too. It’s almost like training for a race, except it’s vacation.

I’m also really hoping that this 46 day streak will help me to get back into healthy habits and break some of the bad ones that I have managed to get back into.

Yesterday was actually the first real day (at 47 days, hence the title of my post) and I did really well, and ended the day feeling great. I met with my physical therapist and got approval to do just a tiny bit more, but the tiny changes will hopefully make a big difference in my injury recovery.

I’m looking forward to the trip, and the remaining 46 days.

It’s Been a Little While.

Well. It’s been a little while since my last post. We changed months, set our clocks back, and Spring is just around the corner. Since my little hiatus, I’ve taken the time, to just do stuff.
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Important stuff, at that.

I won’t divulge all of the stuff, but here’s the good stuff.

I’ve tried a teensy bit harder in trying to get to the gym more often. I bought a planner so that I could visually see my day, and where I might be able to fit gym time in. Sometimes it doesn’t go as planned…but you know what, That’s okay. I still do what I can, and I’m good with that. My workouts range from the bicycle, walks on the treadmill, row machine and stair climber. I’m getting more comfortable at my new gym. (Or, should I say “athletic club.) I’m thankful that it’s really just a hop, skip, and a jump away. It makes it so much easier to get there.
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I’ve started working with a new physical therapist, that agrees with the goals set by me and my podiatrist. And with that, I have started training with a run coach. We aren’t running of course. But he is teaching me, basically, how to walk again. Due to my injury, and months (dare I say years now…) of compensating for my foot, my gait, stride and over all body alignment is severely off.
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I’m amazed at how seamlessly my body changed in order to still do what it needed to do while injured. And equally amazed at how difficult it is to retrain my body to do things the right way. My training is slow, methodical, and very challenging. But I feel lucky to be able to do it, and hopeful that it will bring me closer to my goals.

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I’ve attended the weekend group run a few times with my friend. It’s always fun, no matter if we are running or walking. I have started jogging for 30 second intervals here and there, and it’s been okay. We are going for the shortest distances right now and that’s okay too.
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My food, is not important right now. That’s all I want to say about that.
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That’s pretty much it for now. I hope you’re doing well!

Why I Quit Weight Watchers.

Happy Sunday Friends.
I’m hoping you’ve had a good week, and that your morning is starting out well.

It’s been a busy week for me, as usual. But not busy in the fun way. It was filled with work…and that means – sitting on my ass all day long. 😔

It’s actually getting more painful as the weeks go by without activity. My lower back, hips, shoulders and butt…just ache throughout the days. I’ve said it before, and it still stands true – injury related pain aside – not working out is more painful than working out. At least the “pain” from workouts was earned, and not just because my body is literally wasting away.

Yesterday, I finally made it out the door, meeting a friend for the weekly group run/walk. We chose the 4.5 mile route, and tried a 30 sec jog to a 3 minute walk.

We started the route by getting lost, but we quickly found our way and enjoyed the perfect weather and Spring-like day. Whenever I go to the group run, it just feels great. It starts my day in such a positive way and I enjoy it so much. It sets the tone for the rest of the day. I just love getting out of the house, and even more seeing my friend and just chatting. Working from home, I really do not get the social interaction that I need.

Today, I’m preparing myself mentally to go to the gym. I realize this is not automatic like it once was, so I’m going to have to take it day by day.

That thought sat with me all day yesterday. It came to me as my friend and I discussed our lack of motivation, and desire to come up with a plan to help each other stay motivated.

“Day by day.”

It takes me back to my new year’s resolution, which I really have lost sight of. Staying in the moment and not getting caught up in what’s happening next, when I haven’t even paid attention to now.

Well, that lead into me cancelling Weight Watchers.

I was told by my therapist that programs like weight watchers or any restrictive diet plans are actually bad for people like me, people that struggle with binge eating.

She said that it actually creates more stress and anxiety, which ultimately can trigger binges.

When I thought about it, I realized that she was right. The new Weight Watchers plan is actually a lot more restrictive than any of their plans prior. They’ve made almost every food extremely high in points and it makes it feel like you can’t eat anything without going over in points, which feels like failure.

Ever since the plan change, I’ve struggled and it caused me to stress a lot. It caused a lot of frustration, and it felt like I was thinking and worrying about food 24/7.

Binge eating is already all consuming, so to have something outside of that, that was constantly putting food at the forefront was just too much for me to handle.

Logically, I’ve been going to the meetings since December of 2014 and have not lost any weight, I’ve only maintained it.

I also haven’t attended a meeting for a month.

After I cancelled my membership yesterday, I actually felt relief.

Today, when I woke up I went with the idea provided by my therapist.

Just eat.

But pay attention to your body. Be mindful.

And that’s what I did.

My breakfast was simple, an egg a piece of toast, and coffee. It was filling, and I didn’t have to do anything, but eat it.

And I liked that.

Have a great day.

A Little Break

Good morning and happy Sunday everyone. It’s been a while since I last posted. I appreciate the kind words, suggestions, and support from everyone in regards to my last post. I took some time to let everything “sink in” and to just allow myself to feel all the feelings that I felt.

Moving right a long…

That following Saturday (after my last post,) I set out to do something to just feel normal. I joined a friend for the group run/walk held by Fleet Feet Sports. We walked the shortest route, and you know what? It was fine. My foot did great. It was the farthest distance I’d gone in my Richie brace, which has definitely taken some getting used too.

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Spring is in the air

Walking it was just as nice as running the route. I got to spend quality time with a very good friend, and we got to enjoy the morning. Afterwards we grabbed some coffee, and then hit up the local farmers market. It was a great morning, and I enjoyed every minute.

The next day was Valentine’s Day, and my boyfriend and I decided to check out an event happening at (a semi) local group of wineries! The annual Wine and Chocolate weekend was happening in Lodi.
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If there’s anything I enjoy as much as running…it’s wine! 🍷

55 wineries participate in the event in total. We only went to 5.

Weibel Wineries
Klinker Brick
Oak Farm
Durst
Spenker

I enjoyed wine, since my boyfriend was the designated driver – but he got chocolate and other yummy treats.
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We also had lunch which was fun, and of course delicious. Throughout
the day we got to enjoy many pretty vineyard views!

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It was such a nice, peaceful, and fun day and I loved spending the quality time with my boyfriend!
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This last week was a long one, with lots of overtime at work. So I was really looking forward to this weekend. Yesterday, I hosted a recipe party at my house. I had friends and family over, totalling about 25 people. The idea was that everyone brought a homemade dish, and shared the recipe. We had a ton of food!! All the food was delicious and everyone had a great time. I enjoyed having everyone over too. Since I moved an hour away from my hometown, I’ve felt like I don’t get to see everyone as much as I used too. So, it was great to have everyone all together.
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Have a great Sunday.

I’m not even sure what the title of this post should be.

This is not a positive post.

This is more of a vent post.

It may not even make a lot of sense…but that’s okay.

This last week has been such a roller coaster. I’ve struggled with food. I’ve done bad things.

I’ve done things, that I haven’t done for a long time. The things that tell me…I’m hitting bottom when it comes to binge eating.

Ironically, I’m sitting here my gym clothes…nauseated and sweating from not my workout – but from this evenings binge.

I’ve thought a lot about what has sent me into this spiral. Obviously it’s a multitude of things… But what is at the forefront of my mind is, this week I went to the physical therapist.

I had high hopes in regards to the visit and how it would help get my foot better, and ultimately back to running. My doctor and I agreed that even being able to do a 5k every now and then might be an attainable goal. That has been my hope. The light at the end of this long tunnel. It’s what I’ve been holding on to, and what’s keeping me from losing my sanity with all of the frustrating things that have been associated with this injury.

Instead, I left feeling, shattered and heartbroken.

At first I tried to shake it off. I told myself that my doctor and I had other plans, and everything would be okay. But the words of the therapist have repeated over and over in my head since Tuesday. And it has created such chaos inside. Maybe because these words have been spoken to me so many times over the last year and a half.

She looked at me, so matter-of-fact-like, and said “well, you’re going to have to follow up with your podiatrist. Surgery is probably the best option for you, and beyond that you just cannot run anymore. You’re just going to have to find another thing that’s not running.”

This is not news to me.

I know this.
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But hearing it once again, just stung from the inside out. I sat in the room, which was a group setting, fighting back the tears that built up. All I could say, was a sheepish, “I know.”

It’s not something I can really fight, because it is true.

Running isn’t just a sport to me. It’s who I became. It’s what saved me. And now, I just feel like a huge part of me, and who I am, is being taken away. I honestly feel like I’m mourning a loss.

I know there are other sports. But the reality is, I’m limited to what I can do. And if I am being honest – there’s just not much that I really enjoy in the way I did running. Also, running is something I could do at any time…unlike swimming where I’m limited to when a pool is open. To many this might sound like excuses. And that’s okay. But this is what is causing me stress.

I’ve actually been to the gym twice this week, with my doctors approval. I’ve done the approved exercises. Although I’m glad I went at that end…there really wasn’t any joy in being there.
I’m scared the entire time, because I’m just waiting for the pain to get worse. Or the swelling to go up.

This morning I woke up with moderate swelling around my tendon. I’m honestly not even sure what to do…go to the gym? Don’t? I don’t know.

I’ve since found a new therapist that specializes in eating disorders. I won’t meet with her until March though. I also started a group therapy course. It’s not specific to binge eating, but will help with the behaviors associated with it.

But all of this is overwhelming. And that is the truth.

Thanks for letting me vent.