Remember the Health Club I wrote about last month?
Confession: I haven’t been to it since I last posted about it. 😱
It was somewhere in the beginning of October, which honestly feels like forever ago. Instead, I’ve had some major life changes, been under stress, and to be honest – just completely unmotivated.
This whole last year has been a real struggle. It’s definitely been a roller coaster of Fitness vs. Nothing.
Some of it has been due to physical limitations, but most of it is due to just my mental struggle within.
With so many changes happening over the last 2 months, although good – I finally had my melting point this weekend. I mentioned part of it in my last post.
But let’s just dig a little deeper, shall we?
It all started on Thursday of last week. I had an appointment with a run coach through my new health club. It was a free one hour session as a trial to try to get me to sign up for personal training sessions.
I met with the coach at 5pm, after an already exhausting day of work. The coach was a nice, older gentleman, with 27 years of running experience. He was extremely educated in regards to the body and how it works. He offered many training tips to specifically help rebuild the strength and mobility in my (still injured) foot.
After the session, I came home. My boyfriend made dinner, and as soon as we sat down to eat…I broke down and cried.
My sweet boyfriend didn’t really know what was going on, but he took it in stride, and we talked about what was bothering me…
Although the session with the run coach was educational – it was eye opening. I struggled with seemingly simple exercises. My foot just physically cannot do a lot of what it’s supposed to do. The simple act of even just standing correctly – is far from simple. We went through a series of specific exercises to ultimately help correct the issue – but it was extremely difficult, somewhat painful, and overly frustrating.
This injury has been one of the most aggravating, debilitating, and discouraging things to happen. It doesn’t just affect my running…it affects my day to day life. Walking, standing, and even sometimes sitting can be difficult. The week of my move it got so bad, just wearing my shoe was extremely painful due to the amount of swelling that occurred from being on my foot too much. I could barely tie the laces…
Thursday’s session cemented how much work I have ahead of me. On top of that, even if I do all of it – there’s no guarantee that I will even be able to continue running. It is certain that I will never be able to run as much, or as far as I used too…which is heart wrenching.
My boyfriend suggested (foot friendly) alternative sports – but any true runner knows, nothing compares.
On Saturday, I decided to try on two dresses I purchased 2 weeks ago for an upcoming girls trip. When I purchased the dresses, I was limited on time so I just pulled my size and that was it…
It was a horrendous event, that showed me how much my body has physically changed since I am no longer running, strength training, or doing anything besides stressing, over eating and partaking in too much wine.
My breaking point was that night. As mentioned I went out to get food for dinner. I ordered a burrito…and even though it was disgusting – I still ate it.
And I ate all of it.
And then I drank lots of wine….and went to bed basically drunk. This, after already eating poorly the entire week.
Food that is not nourishing, or even tasteful is not worth eating and yet I just ate it. It was all due to emotions, and me trying to bury them within the food.
Well it all showed up on the scale when I went to Weight Watchers on Sunday.
The 4+ lb loss I celebrated just the week before, I was now mourning. Because I gained more than half of that weight back in just a weeks time…
I sat in the meeting and didn’t really pay attention to what was being taught. Instead I was stuck in my head, worried about the upcoming all-food-holiday, my girls trip, what to wear…and just my overall health.
Today I woke up with thoughts of just giving up.
And accepting that there’s too much I feel like I can no longer do, and that I just like food way too much.
So, that’s when I decided to come up with a new plan. I’ve done this several times, but this time I feel like the quality of my life depends on it.
First – I went to social media. I feel like posting something there makes it so that people know what I’m doing. It makes me feel more accountable. I reached out to friends who I know struggle too, and offered to help encourage them. I set up a weekly goal with one of my friends, and a walking date with another.
Feeling like I now had support, as well as people depending on me to follow through – I made my plan for the day.
I stuck to healthy, gluten free, and protein filled foods. I added water into my day. And I made a plan for the gym. I attended a class, which I will put into another post – but I am proud of myself for making it through today.
I’m only going to focus on one day at a time for now, but my first goal is just to loose at least 5 lbs before my girls trip which is 3 weeks away.
3 weeks is not long. I can commit to that and hopefully rebuild my base with healthy habits within that time frame.
So. Here’s to rebuilding myself and my future.