I Ran the Night

It’s been a helluva week, that’s for sure.

On this glorious Sunday, I’m actually not feeling well, and am kind of happy about it. As awkward as that sounds, it has been weeks since I have been able to truly rest. This is the first day in over 3 months, that I didn’t have to spend my entire day studying, or cramming some time into an already busy day, to do so. I was supposed to go to my cousins babyshower today, but unfortunately my stomach is protesting to something and the only thing I’ve done so far is lay on the couch with both of my lazy fur babies.


It’s a much needed break…even with the stomachache.

Anyways, Sunday is the usually the day that I update the ‘ol blog. I don’t have much to report, other than what I already posted earlier this week. I went to Weight Watchers this morning, and was surprised to learn that I actually didn’t gain any weight – even with the multiple food binges and lack of activity that filled the days of last week. I felt a bit releived and hopeful for this new week.

Last night, I made a promise to my boyfriend. This promise wasn’t actually to him per se – it was more of an out loud promise to myself, and in telling him – I felt more accountable. I promised that I would really try to eat better and exercise. He pointed out that I do really well once I get into a routine, it’s just finding my routine again that has felt so difficult. None the less, I plan to get something rolling this week.
I’ve done slightly better with food today, but I’m going to be honest and admit that I’ve been thinking about and craving different bad-for-me foods all day. The worst is that even my stomach issues haven’t squashed the never ending food thoughts. It’s been a struggle.

On the fitness front: While at lunch yesterday, my boyfriend asked how my week went as far as Weight Watchers goes, as he knew I had been struggling to stay on plan. I literally had to fight back tears when I answered him. I told him I didn’t do well and was struggling with motivation. I also told him that I brought my running clothes with me in the hopes that I’d get a short run in sometime during the day.

Later that evening we headed out to get active. He likes to train on stairs, or bleachers and I like to run. We wanted to go to the local high school, but by the time we got out – the school field was locked and it was very dark. We headed downtown, in the hopes of finding a well lit area that would work for both of us. Low and behold we found a parking garage! It was the perfect place for him to run the stairs and for me to get some miles in, there was no one there but us, so cars were not an issue. Unfortunately my stomach issues started yesterday, and a mile into my run…I slowed to a walk due to pain. I ended up walking close to another mile and walked up and down the stairs a few times, in an effort to get more activity in without making my stomach worse. It was only 25 minutes, but I look at it as 25 minutes of activity instead of doing nothing. I considered it a win for the day.

Even with my stomach ache, I had a moment during my short run segment. I had reached the top of the parking structure – with the dark night sky over head, and the cool, crisp Fall air kissing my skin and cooling my lungs – everything felt okay. For the first time in weeks, I felt at peace.

Another plus was that this was in the town I will be moving to at end of the month. Every runner knows that the best way to learn about any place is to run it. I may have been confined to the parking garage last night, but reaching the top meant I could see the entire downtown area. I totally got excited about running the streets below me in the near future.

My boyfriend even enjoyed the workout he accomplished and said that he looks forward to more.

I have another busy week ahead. I’m hoping that I will be able to sleep better, which helps keep the rest of my day on track…then plan to run at the gym tomorrow evening after work.

I won’t plan any further than that – gotta take it one day at a time.

Notices and No Sleep.

The last few weeks I have struggled with my old foe friend insomnia. I’ve dealt with this pretty much my whole life. It usually happens when I’m overly stressed, struggling with anxiety or of course, thinking too much.

Thursday was an interesting day…in a week full of difficult days. On Thursday, I went to the rental office that manages the property that I currently live in to give my official 30 day notice.

It felt weird. I can’t really describe the way I’m feeling about it, it wouldn’t make any sense if I tried, I am sure. So, weird is the only word I can come up with.

After dealing with the weird feeling, and just everything that was the last 2 weeks – I decided I needed to go for a run. I was supposed to work overtime, but instead – I literally just got up from my desk and walked out the door. I didn’t even log off my computer…I just walked away from it. I didn’t really care that I hadn’t met my numbers or that I would be missing out on needed OT hours.

That didn’t matter.

At that moment, I needed the solace of my favorite trail. I needed real air. The sun. And dirt and trees. I needed open space.

I have not run, or done anything active for weeks now, and it was apparent not even a quarter mile in. Everything hurt, and it hurt badly. My asthmatic lungs burned, and tightened in angst. My legs, hips, lower back and shoulders all ached in different ways, but all together in unison. It was excruciating.

My mind raced through thoughts faster than the speed of light. Or at least it felt that way.

My body and mind didn’t want to go any further, they both protested and wanted to give up by the half mile mark.

So, I had to run with my heart.

I had to find it in me to calm the voices raging in my head – begging me to quit. I had to run through the aches and pains from endless hours of sitting and inactivity. 

And I just had to run from it all.

It was a short 2.52 mile run, but it was a hilly one and it kicked my ass. Hills have a way of putting everything into check.

Every indulgence and poor food choice I’ve made over the last few weeks was reflected in every effing step I took.

I felt sluggish, heavy, slow, tired, and dehydrated.

I felt both physical and mental pain.

I hated each passing minute, because with each minute 1,000 thoughts raced through my head. Every step brought more of what I’ve been smooshing down with food for the last few weeks.

And that creates anger.

Apparently I’m mad about a lot of things too. More than what I was even aware of. But that’s what running does…it strips you down, and exposes every raw part of you. You can’t hide things from running…and that’s why it’s always been so damn therapeutic for me.

By the end of my short run, I had managed to get back to that place where I was thankful for the heartbreaking, grueling, sweaty, painful run. Even though I felt like I hated it, I was humbled and grateful.

I have a lot of work to do. That’s for sure.

I came home and logged on to my Weight Watchers App, and used the text/chat feature. I confessed that I’m struggling with staying motivated with exercise and on plan. I confessed to my multiple food binges this past 2 weeks.

I felt exposed. And that’s the worst feeling to a compulsive overeater…people aren’t supposed to know you’re secret. But there I was, telling someone. Kind of like now, on the blog. Honestly, when I talk about it, I hate it…but I also hope that maybe it might help at least one person. Just maybe. Anyway…

They asked me why I had  joined in the first place, what was my reason…

My answer?

“I am a runner, and I wanted to be healthy enough to run again…like I used to.


So now…that’s my reason. That’s what my focus will be.

That’s what I need to remember…

I am a runner.


Tests and Tacos.

I’m lagging on everything pertaining to life as I know it blog posts again!
As mentioned in my last post, I had passed the first of two very important tests for work. Well I learned this week, that I have also passed the second test! So now, not only have my credentials changed, but my position will too. It will be more of a challenging position, but it does pay more – which is always a nice perk.

Another bonus?

I do not need to dedicate anymore hours of my life to reading/retaining pages upon pages of textbooks and study materials!

Can I get a hallelujah from the choir?!

Anyway, I thought I would be able to relax this week, and maybe even get back to my normal life…except that’s not the case. Instead, I have been both overly busy, and totally lazy. I have to start packing for my upcoming move.

No one enjoys packing.

No one.

And so, I’ve used this week to catch up on all the other things I was putting off the last two due to my testing schedule.
This means, I have paid absolutely no attention to running, the gym, or Weight Watchersimage


This should not be a shock to any of my blog followers. In fact, you’re probably thinking, “Still dragging behind the wagon you fell off months ago Jamie?! Seriously…still?!?”

Yes. Still. Guilty.

Two weeks ago RunDisney posted training plans for the upcoming Rebel Challenge happening in January. I am currently registered for the race, even though I’m still unsure if my still healing foot can handle the 19.3 rebel miles (post Disneyland Park days.)

Random side note: If you take away anything from reading my running blog – let it be this:

If you’re injured, don’t be a runner and pretend like you’re not. Don’t continue running with your injury and don’t try to convince yourself everything is fine. Pain is the bodies way of telling you something is wrong. If you ignore it, you may just end up with a more serious injury…like a torn tendon that takes over a year to heal…with the added bonus of being more prone to reinjury. It freaking sucks! Don’t be like me, okay?

End public safety message. We will return to our regularly scheduled programing now…

I told myself I should download a plan and start it…except I haven’t.

This entire week I’ve worked late into the evening, and I mean late, like from 7am to 9pm – then had things to take care of after work. Like babysitting and errands.

I keep telling myself “tomorrow you will have time.”

And then the only thing I run…is out of time.


Today…instead of going to the gym after work, I ended up buying and (happily) eating tacos…

And! They were freaking delicious.

I felt both guilty and slightly awesome for doing this in my running pants, because when I got dressed today, my intentions were in the right place.

The run just never happened.

I guess I need to reevaluate my priorities…and get excited about healthier foods.


But right now….I’m going to bed.

When the Stars Align.

As many of you know – due to my incessant complaints – I have spent the last 3 months studying for an important test. This test would ultimately change my credentials AND work position – obviously the weight of this created some pressure!

On top of that, my colleagues would constantly bring up the upcoming test and express their assurance that I would pass…except I wasn’t feeling as confident in my passing as they were. I felt pressure because I didn’t want to let all of them down.

Also, the test would completely change in October. It’s a significant change as well, meaning if I didn’t pass the first time, I’d have to attempt retesting within the new guidelines and that wouldn’t be “easy.”

And I cannot fail to mention the pressures I put on myself. I don’t like to fail, so I really put myself threw the proverbial ringer when it came to self talk.

The last three months have been extremely taxing. Not only was I trying to fit in numerous hours of boring study time, but also overtime hours at work, gym time (although limited), and every day life. I would wake up at 5am, and not go to bed till 11-12 most nights.

All of that culminated into yesterday…

I had Thursday and Friday off from work. Thursday was a dedicated study day. Truth be told, by 3pm I was just over it. I took the longest nap…but continued my studies when I woke up.

Friday, I woke up early and went to my Weight Watchers meeting. It’s one I had been putting off all week due to time, and thought about missing all together due to my lack of actively participating in the program. (Read that as, I pretty much ate like a horse due to stress.) I’m glad I went though because the message this week was exactly what I needed to hear. Basically, it was that it is important to focus on the things you do right, instead of the things you may not do so well. I know I’m very guilty of focusing on the negative! So, after the meeting instead of thinking, “you probably didn’t study enough, you probably should have dedicated even more time to this…” I told myself, “wow self!! You’re pretty awesome. You managed to fit in a ton of study time, even with everything else you have on your plate right now!”

And wouldn’t you know, it totally helped! So I continued with the positive thinking – even though it actually took me a lot of effort. That in itself was a huge eye opener. I really need to turn my everyday negative thoughts into positive ones. All victories are victories – big or small!

After my meeting, I made it to the gym. It was the only chance I got all week, and I was very much looking forward to it. As a side note, I had to cancel my membership due to my upcoming move – and I was actually very bummed to do so! I’ve been a member of my gym since 2009, and it really felt like I was closing a chapter in my book of life! This gym was a huge turning point in my life. It’s the gym that I had my life altering 00:29 second run! I’m sure when I move I will find another great gym – but this one holds a special place in my heart. 

Moving along…

I kind of new it was going to be a good day, when I got to the gym and got upfront parking! Also, I was happy to get on the treadmill for a much needed run. My endless hours of sitting over the week was enough to make any runner go insane. Even ones who’ve spent most of the last year on the sidelines!

I had a great run! I tested out some new Saucony shoes, they’ve decided to give those of us that need the most stability and motion control a shoe called the Redeemer.  It seemed fitting! Overall, my first experience with the shoe was a great one. I will keep you posted though.

I was able to run for the entire 41 minutes – which was amazing considering I haven’t been consistent with my miles. It just felt really good to run!

Afterward, I was hungry and limited on time, so I headed over to Panera and enjoyed their Pumpkin Spice Latte. It’s always great when pumpkin spice season is here. And it was delicious!

After which it was time to head home and get ready for my test. I got to the testing center, did a little last minute refreshing and then went to check in. I had to show multiple forms of ID, scan my palms, get my materials approved and then finally it was testing time. I said a quick prayer and clicked “begin.”

I had 4 hours to complete the test. I anticipated using the whole time, so when I was done in a little over 2 and a half hours…I felt like something was wrong. Did I answer everything? Did I answer it too quickly? I went back and reviewed a few things, but ultimately decided that I did my best and it was time to finish.

I went through the check out process of more ID checks and palm scans and then walked to the front to find out my fate.

To my amazement, relief, and excitement I passed!!!

A weight literally lifted from my shoulders! I was so excited, my hands were shaking!

I still have a second test to take on Thursday, but I feel slightly better about that one, after having passed this one, which is much more important.

This weekend, I’m not studying a thing! I’m going to relax and enjoy instead.

Tomato Time!

Hello Blog World!
This past week has been a pretty good one. I managed to run 3 days, turned 35, and went to a tomato festival!


As mentioned in a previous post, I will be moving at the end of October to an area that is way less city, and a lot more country. We are surrounded by farms and open space. Each weekend my boyfriend and I find some time to venture out and explore our new city.

This weekend, we went to Smith Family Farms, and got to experience their annual tomato festival! I was excited to go, my non-tomato-eating boyfriend was a little less excited for all the tomatoey goodness.


We got to sample a ton of flavorful, colorful and delicious varieties- all if which are grown and freshly picked at the farm!


We got to try a few yummy tomato recipes – like fried green tomatoes! My grandmother is from the south and used to make them all the time, I love them!



Did you know that watermelon and tomato go together extremely well? I tried an heirloom tomato and watermelon gazpacho, and it was amazing!

We got to listen to country music from local artists, which was fun!


And we got to explore the farm, play some games, learn about bees and I even got to make a flower bouquet!









The best part is that my boyfriend actually tried the tomatoes and different foods made with them – and liked it!


I had a great time, and am looking forward to more trips to the farm!

Like a Fine Wine…It Get’s Better with Age.

Well, it’s back to reality today…all of my birthday festivities have come to an end, and I am back at work.

Boo to that.

Here’s a few snapshots from my day! It was a lot of fun, super low key and I enjoyed every glass…I mean minute!

My boyfriend got home from work that morning and woke me up with a beautiful flowers!


After a super chill morning, we got ready and headed out to a local winery, Hannah Nicole Vineyards!


I got to try 6 different tastings of wines they make from grapes they grow right on the property!



I sampled both whites and reds!


And enjoyed the day with my favorite person in the world. He makes my heart smile…and the rest of me laugh like crazy…


We had sushi for dinner, and it was delish!


I had a wonderful time!



Cheers to 35!


It is the morning of September 8th. I will be going to sleep tonight as normal, but waking up tomorrow another year older. I’ve had my reservations about turning 35 for a few reasons, but for now I am going to reflect back on my last year.


34…You have been a doozey, and that says something considering my past years.

But, you were a definitely a year of learning, growth and change. I started my year with my then, very new boyfriend, at a beautiful Winery in the Napa Valley. It was an absolutely amazing birthday!


wpid-imag5806.jpgOne of the best I’ve ever had. And I’ve had some great ones! during the year my boyfriend and I have grown together in our relationship. It was a bit surprising how much learning I still had to do in a new relationship. But the amazing thing was, it was because it was so opposite of anything I had ever known in the past. I never knew what a normal healthy relationship  was, and it all felt so foreign. I knew how to handle bad relationships, I knew what to expect and how to protect myself…

But this time, I was lost. It actually felt uncomfortable at first – because I felt unprepared, I had no clue how to handle anything normal. I would talk to those close to me – my sister got the brunt of it…and it would be ridiculous things like, “He got called into work on the day we were supposed to go to a concert – so I was waiting for him to cancel on me because thats what “they” do…except he called a little later and said that he had to take a vacation day and work OT the following two days, but he was able to get the day off, so we are still going to the concert now.” My sisters like, “That’s Great!” and I’m over there like, “Uhm…I can’t believe he actually did that for me. Does this mean he actually really wants to spend time with me? This feels weird…but also amazing at the same time. I feel overwhelmed right now. All the feels – I can’t handle all the feels. Help.”

God bless my sister and her extreme patience with me over the year. I’m pretty sure I got a record number of eye rolls and face palms – but she still let me ask all the ridiculous questions that started with, “Wait…you mean to tell me that’s normal? oooooooh…..wait….???”

I’ve finally started to settle into all the normal, and I treasure it. I am so beyond thankful for him and all his wonderful, normal, qualities that just shine so brightly. I appreciate him in ways that only someone who has gone through such horrible things, can. It is true, what they say – You appreciate the good so much more when you’ve dealt with so much bad. I feel lucky to have him in my life. I still struggle with a few little things here an there – that same may scoff at – but I am sure in time those things will fade too.

Last year at this time, my foot injury was in the beginning stages. The pain was increasing, and I was in denial about it. I had gone to the doctor, but was basically told it was a strain and to ice it and take Motrin. I was in the last months of my Brazen Streak, and didn’t want to stop running. I also didn’t want to give up something that I loved so deeply, I didn’t want it to change.


HA! 34, you knew differently. This year, I learned how to finally listen to both my body and my doctors. A torn tendon, 20+ weeks in a cast and the talk of surgery was quite the learning experience. But, just like my relationship – it culminated in me appreciating the act of running that much more. I learned not to take it for granted. And that recovery, and not running, was in fact – okay. Over the year, I have recovered enough that I was able to start running, slowly – again. And for that I am thankful.

34 has been a challenge when it comes to my weight loss goals. With the overall decreased activity, and my lack of not trying hard enough, I pretty much struggled to lose anything, and even gain a few lbs. 35…We should really talk about this, and come up with a better plan. Are you with me??


My relationships with friends and family changed slightly. With some friends, we grew closer. It seems that some of my family relationships have drifted apart. It’s been a little tough, but hopefully over time they will all return to normal.

If 34 has taught me anything it’s to embrace the changes, which ultimately has prepped me for 35…

I will be moving in October out of city I have lived pretty much my whole life and into a new area, one I am vaguely familiar with. My hometown and friends and family will still be within driving distance, but its about an hour away. So, it will take more effort to keep all my relationships from drifting apart due to distance. It gets harder as we all grow up, with lives evolving into families, and careers and everything else.

I am moving in with my boyfriend, which is desired and exciting…but admittedly a little scary too. I’m a very independent person and I’ve lived on my own for 8 years. So the only reason I have fear is because it’s going to be a huge change from what I know, and what I am used too! But, I believe it will be a positive one, and any of the fears I have right now will dissipate over time.

Huge changes related to my job will be coming around the bend soon too, and it will be interesting to see how it goes. Hopefully the stress levels from all of this, will dwindle down because it’s not my favorite.

Hopefully my road to recovery with running will continue going well and maybe being in a new age group category will have its perks?

Well. Thank you 34 for all the good memories, the growth, and for the time we spent together. It’s time to welcome 35 now…


Why Do We Run?

After my running-movie marathon yesterday, and my sweaty treadmill run last night – I really started to think about the main question and reason for the film, The Last Mile. The creator of the film wanted to know why people run, and not just for the “exercise” and common answers – but more so….why do we keep running? What is it about running that makes us “crazy” about it. Why do we get up before the sun only to sweat, and ache and push ourselves to limits non-runners do not understand?

In the film, there are many reasons given by many people, all of which I can relate to. But when I asked myself the same question, I had to think about the answer…

If you’ve been a long time follower you might know that I have been running since 2010. If you don’t know my story – well here it is:

It started in April 2010 after attending a fitness boot camp. I was extremely out of shape. My divorce had finally become official in February of that year, and I was basically picking myself up after a two (plus) year crap storm. I joined the bootcamp in hopes of creating a new me. I went, and my lack of physical health was evident 3 minutes into the class. I was dying. And I mean that in the literal sense. One of the instructors was super cute, and I felt so embarrassed by the amount of sweat, and tears that came out of me that day. So I told myself that I would go to the gym everyday that following week in hopes of gaining some type of endurance before the next boot camp the following Saturday.

That’s pretty much the decision that changed my entire life as I knew it.

I went to the gym, and decided I would run on the treadmill. After all, “back in my day” I used to be able to run… I mean I was on the track team at one point in my life. I get on the treadmill, and cover the timer with my towel. I set it to “4.0” and start “running.” (I put it that way for a reason…) IMMEDIATELY…and I mean that in every sense of the word, my asthma flared up, sweat starting pouring, my legs felt like lead and I just felt like dying.


I felt like it had been forever, I remember telling myself, “You have probably run for 5 minutes already, you can slow to a walk.” So I slow the speed and grab the towel covering the timer to wipe my sweat stained face…and that’s when I saw it.

Staring back at me in bright, firey red numbers was the time on the treadmill.


Twenty Nine Seconds. 

I had not even made it to thirty seconds. It had not even been a half a minute, let alone what I felt was 5! At that moment, the world just stopped. I heard nothing in the gym, everything felt frozen.


All I could hear was my pounding heart, and my breath.

My eyes filled with tears.

I grabbed my towel, water bottle, and keys and left the gym. I got to my car and I cried. I don’t even know how long I sat in the parking lot, but it felt like forever. All of it hit me in that parking lot. Everything I had been through over the past two years, every nightmarish moment, all of it.

And it all reflected back in those bright red numbers.


The toll that all the stress, both physically and emotionally had taken was in that 00:29. 

I told  myself that day, that I would not allow what had happened to defeat me. I deserved to be happy and healthy, and so I promised myself to return the gym for the rest of that week, and that I would try each day to run at least 1 second longer than the day before. If i could run 10 seconds longer that was great – but no matter what, i had to run at least 1 second more.

And that’s how it all began. Seconds turned into minutes, and minutes turned into miles. I eventually moved away from the treadmill and onto trails. I ran my first official 5k in February of 2011. Ironically, on the anniversary of my divorce- which I call my Freedom Day. Crossing my first finish line was a pivotal moment in my life. One I will forever be grateful for, and never forget.

That turned into what is now 5 and a half years of miles, lessons, tears, blood, sweat…dedication.

Running is a lifestyle, not just a sport.

But why?

Why have a stuck with this longer than any other “hobby” in my life?

Because it saved me. It pulled me out of an extremely dark place. It allowed me to see who I really am. Running humbled me. Made me thankful. Pulled me away from everything that was going on in the world, in my world – and just silenced all of it. And it was so peaceful – Finally.

All that I heard, was the beating of my heart, my breath, and the pounding of my feet – and nothing else mattered. Because those three things told me that I am alive. Everything else might be pure chaos, but even in the chaos I am ALIVE.

It’s like time stops. But the run hasn’t.

When I run, my mind stops thinking/worrying/stressing about everything and anything. All I have to focus on is putting one foot in front of the other, and that’s amazing.

When I run, it’s usually one of the only times I actually tell myself positive things. And even better – I believe all of it.

When I run, I am free from the anxiety that plagues me all other times of the day.

When I run, I stay in the moment.

When I run – I am probably the absolute best version of myself. All of my good qualities show…my strength, my perseverance, my will, my honesty, and even my sense of humor…

Over the years I have had some amazing experiences that I know I never would have had, had I not been a runner.

I am thankful for the relationships that it made stronger, and all the new ones it brought into my life.

Every race medal that hangs in my house holds a memory, that I go back to with just a glance at my medal rack.

And…for once in my life – my love of shoes makes complete sense.

And that’s my why.

What’s yours?


Cheez It Catastrophe.

Isn’t it funny how I go weeks without posting anything, and then on a random Sunday you get 2-3 random posts!?

Anyways, I felt compelled to blog about my day…so, here it goes.

After writing my post this morning I headed out to my weekly Weight Watchers meeting. As mentioned earlier my food choices have been poor and my exercise as been so inconsistent that it’s all reflecting every time I step on the scale. I think I would have been more shocked to see the numbers go down, but that is not what happened.


I gained .02 lbs. It doesn’t seem like a lot, but I’ve been consistently gaining small amounts each week because in all honesty I haven’t even tried to follow the plan, or even tried to eat better. So, the weight is slowly creeping back up.

Weight Watchers has changed their plan many times over the years, and at this point they seem to be focusing on mind and body health, which I actually appreciate and think is a great approach. So today’s meeting focused on the new weight tracker they’ve come up with and ways to focus on non-scale victories on top of weight loss. They are really pushing an overall positive outlook and mindset, which I do think is great… And something I really need to work on myself.

I left the meeting once again telling myself that it was the start of a new week and that I was going to “really try to stay on plan” this week and “attempt to lose at least 1, if not 2 lbs by next Sunday.”

I was doing great until about 2pm.  Then I managed to go on a mini kitchen rampage and stuffed my face with all kinds of food. 2 bags of Cheez it’s, a few jumbo marshmallows, jell-o, peanut butter are just a few of the things I managed to get into…there was more but I don’t want to re-live it.


It culminated into me feeling gross, I mean that is quite the combo – and tired. So I took a long nap. I woke up at the end of the movie I had been watching, “The Last Mile” and just felt guilty.

Guilt is a bitch.

I decided earlier in the day that I wasn’t going to do anything but relax my mind and watch my favorite movies.


I thought all the running movies would motivate me for the upcoming week.
Around 7:20pm the guilt of the day really started to set in. I looked at my running shoes and kind of felt bad for them. Just sitting there…doing nothing. I looked at my phone and realized that the sun would be setting at any minute, so running at my favorite place wouldn’t be safe.

I wasn’t really in the mood to run in the dark, where there are mountain lions and other scary night time things. Especially since I may have still smelled like the Cheez it’s I consumed earlier. I’m sure mountain lions love Cheez It’s.


Weight Watchers and Cheez it evidence....

I checked the hours of my gym, and saw that they would be open until 9pm. I hadn’t showered all day, and didn’t feel right about going to the gym until I did….I know that’s a little weird, but hey – I didn’t want to be super gross. So after a quick shower and a little more convincing, I finally made it out of the house at about 745, and to the gym just shy of 8pm.

Thankfully it was pretty much empty, because that’s always my favorite thing. Admittedly, I wasn’t in a great mood and felt very agitated. It was one of those days where the music I had just didn’t feel right, my arm band wouldn’t sit comfortablely on my arm, my cord to my headphones kept hitting my arm and annoying me, smelly gym goers felt the need to get on the treadmills right next to me – even though there was 50 other open ones to choose from…and my nostrils pretty much died. It sucks to have to run while trying to only mouth breathe in order to save yourself from the stench of someone’s poorly (or maybe all together un)washed tech clothing. =/
My lungs hurt, I was disgustingly sweaty, I swear I saw Cheez it crumbs coming from my pores (okay, maybe not…), I just felt gross.

Remembering the meeting from earlier today, all the motivational running movies I watched, and even comments from readers on my earlier blog post – I told myself I had to change my mindset.
So first I changed my music….it helped a little.

Then I tried to think of happy thoughts while running. I tried to remember that even the “bad runs” are still good ones because it is a blessing to be able to run at all. I mean, how many times have I preached this since I’ve been given the medical “okay” to run again? Practice what you preach….right?


I silently encouraged myself to keep up the good work, and mentally cheered myself on.

Ultimately I squeezed in slightly over 37 minutes, and burned 430 calories, which essentially erased the 2 bags of Cheez it’s I ate earlier in the day.


I left the gym beet red, and dripping sweat. But I felt accomplished…

I also felt slightly nauseous because my Cheez it’s where still in my stomach, but that has finally passed.

So here’s to a better ending to my Sunday!

When Everything Feels Too Difficult

Happy September Blog World.


Once again I’ve been lacking in the keeping with anything related to proper food intake, exercise, and of course blogging. The last few weeks, months, whatever have just been a real struggle. I keep bouncing between wanting to be healthy, and just not giving a f*ck. The only thing that’s been running in my house, is the refrigerator.



As mentioned in all my previous posts, I have a lot going on right now, and it’s just been so overwhelming! Unfortunately I have taken all of my stresses and anxieties and basically…eaten them. My diet has been horrible!


Thankfully I am managing to stay away from the super bad foods, such as fast foods and such, but I’m indulging in everything else…including gluten filled foods – which causes me to feel like complete crap! It makes absolutely no sense, and yet I keep doing it.

About 2 weeks ago, I made it out of the house finally with a friend for a hike at my favorite lake.

wpid-imag8798.jpgJust taking mid day break from work, and getting away from my desk and all things work related – was refreshing. Sunshine, fresh air, trails and a major vent session with a good friend always helps.

saw this on the trail... I love you too trail.

saw this on the trail… I love you too trail.

What sucked, was the realization that my extensive OT hours, as well as prolonged sitting time due to studying made it so that my hips and lower back hurt like crazy during and after the walk.

It made me feel terrible both inside and out!

This last week, my hip and lower back pain increased…the more I sat, the more everything hurt. As well as pain in my neck and shoulders and increased numbness and tingling in my hands from way too much computer work.

Not being active, is starting to hurt more than being active!

What was worse, was by Tuesday night, my boyfriend kindly pointed out that I needed to start running again, when I questioned as to why (see- even that’s an issue, normally I’d never question that – I’d totally agree!) He said that I haven’t been keeping up with anything, and normally I love going to the gym or running “every freaking day” and that I seemed much happier then as opposed to now…

My sister also kind of called me out on my increasing grumpiness due to lack of intentional sweat sessions.

So on Wednesday, I headed to the gym, and intended to get in a lunch time run. It would be limited due to time, but I needed something. The run was hard. I sweated profusely and my face was insanely red.

wpid-img_20150902_092036.jpg But, even though it hurt all over – it felt good. Almost freeing.What’s even better, is that that night I slept hard…I’ve been struggling with insomnia over the last few months. Well, running took care of that!


I posted my short run stats (as above) on Instagram, and a friend invited me to run with her the next day. I was hesitant to take her up on the offer because she’s a faster runner, who’s been training on local trails for a 50k that’s coming up in November. I didn’t want to slow her down. She text me and was encouraging, so I ended up going.

When you run a 4 mile loop on trails, and one of them is rightfully named “Ten Hills” you kind of know you’re pretty much trying to kill yourself. The run was HARDER THAN HARD! I had to walk more than I wanted to, and I think I left my lungs somewhere along the trail – but it was also the best thing ever. I enjoyed it so much, and although I kept wondering how in the world I used to run these hills in my past – it felt wonderful to be doing something familiar and with a great friend.


I did slow her down, but she said that with all her training it was the perfect pace midweek. Plus she went out again the next day and cranked out over 11 miles! I want to be like her when I grow up.

I had hoped to run on Friday, even just 2 miles…but it didn’t happen. Instead I let my stress and anxieties get to me and I ended up going to bed by 730pm.

I will conjure up a post later today explaining more of what’s causing all this chaos…but until then, I am hoping to try once again to get running and fitness back into my daily routine.

Have a great week.